Images of Diabetes

Dear Reader,

I posted previously on my daughter’s diagnosis with type 1 diabetes. I am not completely happy with that post. I think part of the reason is that how I remember those critical couple of days is not in a linear fashion. It is more flashes of images from different points. I think this is common thing–to remember isolated parts of a traumatic experience and not to remember all the details.  So here are my images:

-Sparrow lying in my arms completely still and almost floppy as I carried her into the ER. I can still picture the little green dress she wore. She had on tights (no shoes) and her green winter coat.   We used the coat for subsequent children but I couldn’t bring myself to have her or her little sister ever wear the dress again.

-Sparrow lying in the hospital bed. Again very still and compliant (which by itself is very odd in a 1 year old in this situation) with tubes coming out of her everywhere. She had a catheter in, a couple of IVs and a tube from her leg so they could draw blood without repoking her.

-I called my dh right away from the first hospital but he had to stay home with our 3 year old. So I got to spend the first night by myself while she was in the ICU (after an ambulance ride to a second hospital). There were beds for parents to sleep in but they weren’t in the ICU obviously. I remember trying to sleep and not being able to and going back and forth from the ICU to my bed. It was the longest night and I just couldn’t wait until morning.

-Holding Sparrow. After the first night, on her next day, one of the nurses asked me if I had held her yet and I realized I hadn’t. They had taken her from me at the ER and loaded her in the ambulance and put her here and I hadn’t held her in more then 12 hours. So I sat down and the nurse helped me pick her up and hold her. She still had a few tubes coming out of her so it wasn’t as easy as it sounds. And she really lay all her weight on me as if collapsing into me. We both needed that.

-How tiny she looked in the yellowish hospital gown with the elephants on it.

-Pushing her around and around the circle hallway on the hospital floor after she was out of the ICU. They had a few little tykes cars and when she was feeling better she just wanted to ride one after the other and we would push her. Also not as easy as it sounds since I was 37 weeks pregnant but how can you say no to that?

-The look she gave me when we got home from the hospital and I went to give her her first shot at home as if to say, “I thought we were done with this when we left that place.”   



2 responses to this post.

  1. Oh it is just so hard to watch our little ones suffer and be powerless to do anything. Ignorance is indeed bliss at times. I’m so glad that you are able to get her good medical treatment. Thank you for sharing your story with me!


  2. […] she was very sick and were pretty much thrown into the deep end (see some of her diagnosis story here).  But in the midst of that, I did not doubt that God was still controlling our lives, even that […]


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