How to Change Your Spouse

Dear Reader,

A while back I responded to a post by Terry at Breathing Grace (read it   here) on changing one’s spouse, particularly when it comes to weight and diet issues. This week Sheila at To Love, Honor and Vacuum is also blogging on dealing with your spouses bad or annoying habits (read that here) so I thought I would post what I had written earlier. 

I have observed, sometimes from very close up, a few relationships where one spouse was trying to change the other (issues involving weight and other bad habits like smoking that are more than annoyances in my book). Sometimes I believe the concern was genuinely for the other’s health; sometimes it wasn’t. My advice for anyone trying to change their spouse or anyone else close to them would be:
1. If it is about a woman and weight realize that many women have issues here and tread very carefully.
2. Example can do a lot more than words. Studies have shown that our friends’ weights affects ours. So if you consciously choose to follow a certain path (like by eating well and not snacking) maybe your spouse will follow suit.
3. As much as you are able, get rid of the temptations (this is easier of you are the one who does the shopping I suppose).
4. Eating and losing weight is often more about self-esteem than the food itself. So instead of criticizing, help build up your spouse’s self-esteem in other areas. Nagging about weight constantly often does just the opposite of what you want it to.
5. Ultimately, we can’t change anyone else. Only God can. So pray a lot and know when to back off.



One response to this post.

  1. Posted by terry@breathinggrace on February 16, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Good advice, Nebby!


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