Children of Divorce Getting Divorced

Dear Reader,

I read this article in the Week. I guess it is an excerpt from a longer piece. I found it very sad. Basically, the author says how she and her friends were all scarred by their parents’ divorces. They vowed not to end up the same way. And yet a generation later they find that they too are getting divorced. There is very little hope, at least in the excerpt I read. The new generation of divorces are perhaps less antagonistic and seek to incorporate fathers more into their children’s lives. But there is no real solution or answers here.

My reading is that the author and her friends have learned experientially how hard divorce is on kids. They want to make marriage work for the kids’ sake. But they don’t seem to really know how to go about it. Without examples from their own parents, they seem to be floundering not knowing how a good marriage should work. Or not even a good marriage, just how to make marriage work.

The author is right that divorce hurts kids. And seeing one’s parents in a  strong, lasting marriage helps kids. But while her parents were wrong that divorce is all about the grown-ups, this new generation in wrong in making marriage all about the kids. She mentions parents that never sleep together because they are always sleeping or at lest up with the kids. I have known friends who ended up on this situation. But it is not good. In the long run, kids are better served by parents who make time for each other. No one benefits from being allowed to be the center of their universe. It is okay to make kids wait or even cry a while. Parents need to relearn how to be more than parents, how to be husbands and wives.

But I just don’t know after a generation or two where these children of divorce will learn this.



2 responses to this post.

  1. Great post!

    My personal belief is that marriage only has 3 entities. God, man and wife. Children are added blessings to the couple’s life together. It’s wrong to try to hold a marriage together for the sake of the children. People who do this and fail inevitably hurt their children more. Demonstrating the example of marriage as it reflects Christ’s relationship with his church is the burden that married couples have to bear in teaching their children about marriage. If parents had the tools to better teach their children what the Word of God says about love and respect and marriage and divorce…they might have lasting marriages that their children can aspire too, fearlessly. There is nothing about marriage that allows us to leave out God. God is the creator of marriage and has laid out very specific guidelines for Christian living His Word. Allowing these guidelines to be your child’s standard for marriage may help them to avoid divorce.


    • You express it very well. I think I would have said that one shoudl stay together for the children. But really that is not the issue. In most cases I think the children are better off in the long run if the parents stay together. They are certainly hurt by divorce. But really the parents shoudl stay together for other reasons–because they have made a covenant, for themselves, out of obedience to their Lord.


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